It’s like being in love, right? You and your favorite team. Sometimes, life is good. Then, there are times when you hurt the one you love and they hurt you. There’s only one team for me. I am madly and passionately in love with The Blue Jackets. But, there was this thing over the weekend…
(excerpt from Mary’s unhappy, guilt-ridden conscious…a fake call from current lover, CBJ’s… demanding answers…because we always hurt the one’s we love…)
CBJ’s-So…like, where have YOU been?
Me-Uh, around. Hey, I’ve been here…I’ve had some stuff…
CBJ’s-Stuff? Like What stuff?
Me-Well, I had to go to a place…
CBJ’s-You know we’re out West again…
Me-Oh, yeah…I’ve been following. You know that…it’s just that it’s so late when you’re on out West…
CBJ’s-That should have nothing to do with anything if you really love us!
Me-Sweetie Pies, listen. On TV late, playing like super-turds, I love you no matter what. Even when you wear the cannon jersey… and it does not make your asses look big. Nobody looks fat. But I’d love you anyway. Even if every guy had a fat ass…
CBJ’s-What the hell?! What are you saying? That we always have to win?! Is that all we are to you? And we had no choice about the third jersey and we all know we look better in Union Blue but we’re on the road and have to wear the Whites…geez, it’s good for a team to know their fans secretly think they’re ugly.
Me-No! I didn’t, I don’t…uh..Oh, crap how did this ever…darlings, please…
CBJ’s-(collective and varied sobs) So, where were you LAST night?
Me-That’s not fair. I caught your game on the radio and the last two periods on TV and it was late…
CBJ’s–Where were you?
Me-Uh…Columbus…
CBJ’s-WE are not in Columbus at the moment…who were you seeing? Did you go to Value City Arena?!
Me– Heh-heh…Uh, Value….City….Arena?….Maybe I kinda did.
CBJ’s–What?! You stepped out with The Buckeyes?! Those college kids?!
Me-well actually…I was sitting behind Miami (of Ohio’s) bench…I was so close I could touch them. It was fantastic hockey and I’ve never had seats so sweet. The energy in the arena was fantastic and the (OSU) pep band was playing…I really could afford to make a whole night of it and had money left over. Brutus and Stinger were both there, I met a player after the game… if you must know…and by the way, R.J. was a Buckeye, so don’t give me all your guff…
CBJ’s-Now the truth is out!! You told us we were the only team on your ice…
Me-You are. You are. But I needed something. I’ve loved you from afar for oh, so long. It’s so hard to talk to you fellas. You’re mesmerizing but expensive. You are not yourselves of late…I needed energy. I needed interaction and a breath of fresh air. I needed dynamic play and confidence. I had a little of that Scarlett and Grey…I can’t tell you I won’t go back. I love you, but man, those boys are something else…
CBJ’s-Uh-huh. Did we lose you?
Me-Never….I wake up every morning, clutch the sheets and thank God the NHL came to Columbus.
CBJ’s-Aww…
Me-We good?
CBJ’s-See you at Nationwide on Tuesday?
Me-Sure, I don’t think the Buckeyes play that night.
CBJ’s-HEY!!!
Me-Bye, fellas…(end call)