The Five Hole Fantasy Draft: King Snakes Rule


Here’s how my team is shaping up so far…The Puma City King Snakes

My captain: Rick Nash.  Ethan Moreau, Antoine Vermette.  Marc Methot, Mike Carman and Brian Fahey.

I broke protocol by not following to the letter the order. So I have no goalies and no Ice Men.  Call it Fantasy Draft Hypoxia.  And if you noticed that I have double the fellas that other teams have, it’s because early on, I made some pretty savvy deals that allowed me to have more selections, which fed into what I really wanted which was to load my team with Blue Jackets.  Yes, I know the (NHL) world is full of worthy and capable men.  But my Fantasy Draft lust stays pretty close to home.

And, as the real NHL draft takes its twists and turns, so has our draft.  We’ve opened up The ECHL for selections.  And guess who gets the inaugural selection…

This feels like some sort of ancient ritual.  Like I’m high atop a pyramid, holding my hockey stick and in charge of everything, looking down on all these hockey players of all (legal) ages, shapes, colors, sizes and flavors…and I get to choose who to sacrifice up to the Goddess (me).  No, I’m not gonna kill anybody…just turn them into King Snakes…on with the draft!

I can’t resist.  Jared Boll is my Forward.  I can’t leave Jared behind and I’m too much of a Jacket lover to not grab him.  Jared is one of the players you will always see working on some sort of philanthropy.  Recently, he was a celebrity coffee pourer for Tim Horton’s Camp Day, and he makes visits to Children’s Hospital and works with Big Brothers Big Sisters organization.  He’s an exciting enforcer on the Blue Jackets.  And he looks great as a blonde or brunette…Well, what’s not to like.  He’s a King Snake now.

Introducing the very first ECHL pick of the draft…The Toledo Walleye’s Jason Lepine. (Defenseman)  I don’t know too much about the hockey talent.  I’m confessing here, so just respect the honesty if nothing else.  I just love the brown-eyed smolder…This young man has plenty of…unspoken talent, I can just tell. 

Meet my Ice-Man…the guy that plays THOR.  I don’t even know his real name because I don’t really give a good golly darn.  Can he skate? I dunno.  He can wear the sh*t out of a wet t-shirt.  Is he fan-friendly?  Not sure. I’m guessing he can heave a plastic King Snakes Frisbee or ball into the stands, so ya know.  Is he smart? Well, I don’t know about that, either.  So long as he can follow directions, keep his mouth shut and just pose for photos, I think we’re in business. 

Yes, I realize there are no goalies.  I guess my

next rotation will be all goalies if there are any left.

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Twitter@FiredUpCannon   Twitter@OSUJoe  

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