Let Them Eat Cake…NHLers And The Royal Wedding

So it’s all said and done.  Millions watched the Royal Wedding.  Did you know that many NHLers attended this affair?

(Many thanks to all of my FanSided friends who helped with this wild speculation)

…As all of the hockey faithful leave the church, many of the Vancouver players wave wildly to the crowd, as they think the masses have gathered for them.  Wills and Kate have to side-step them and murmur…”Pardon”

Ryan Miller was busy snapping photos, showing off his talents.  He was thought to have said (by all the lip-readers watching) “I got skill.”  One close up photo would show a huge dent in one of the classic, royal horse drawn carriages…unable to get close to the couple, Chris Pronger shot an autographed puck from the crowd…it’s one he stole and signed only by him.  (Do royal guards wear visors?)

As the couple made their way to Buckingham Palace we hear country music…It’s a gift from Mike Fisher, who arranged a concert by his wife and princess, Carrie Underwood.  Hanging from one of the windows, is a classic Whalers jersey given by Chris Thorburn from his collection.  What a heartfelt gift for the couple who have everything! 

So, on to the celebration.  Rumor has it, that TJ Oshie would have given his handle of Captain Morgan, if he could only be found.  Maybe he’s still lost in that big crowd or in an English pub somewhere with Patrick Kane.   Some NHLers weren’t invited but showed up anyway, like Cam Janssen, who continued to chatter away on his cell phone, complaining of the slight to anyone who would listen.

NHLers are no stranger to fashion.  All eyes were on Sean Avery, who looked breathtaking in Armani, perfect accessories…indulgent not only in clothes but the gift of gab, Avery  started a fight with David Beckham when he launched into the “sloppy seconds” routine and made a pass on Victoria.  He has the honor of getting the first black eye of the royal wedding.  Even those who have no idea who he is break out in wild applause.  He didn’t bring a gift, he figured his presence was present enough. 

Jake Voraceck decided on a retro tux with a lavender ruffled shirt and cheap plastic sunglasses.  Stephen Weiss, who went with a light pink tux and a hot pink bow tie, looked at Jake and said, “Hey…!”  They decided to walk around together.  Weiss brought pillows for gifts.

Realizing that the royal couple are in for loads of hand-shaking and crowd pleasing, all of the Calder Trophy candidates got together and bought a few bottles of hand sanitizer.  NHLers are considerate and practical, as you never really know who has been touching their genitals.

…Part Two, NHLers Toast The Happy Couple….coming up