What Christmas gift would you buy for a really wealthy, famous, doesn’t-need-a-damn-thing young professional hockey player? What if you’re the player doing the shopping?
Do professional hockey teams have gift exchanges? Like the biggest, craziest office party ever? Well, here’s some suggestions for the young athlete who has everything, and wants to gift a dude who has everything:
Bacon of the Month club. Never met a man who didn’t love bacon. Loads to choose from…for the fierce bacon lover on the team. Take a look at www.baconfreak.com I imagine all of the Minnesota Wild getting this…
Got a dude on the team who thinks he’s hot? Or maybe he really is…Any item from www.Firegirl.com For the hot sauce connoisseur. Bottled Hell, Scorned Woman, Ass-Blaster, Smack My Ass And Call Me Sally Green Hot Sauce, Colonel Condom’s Hot Jerk Sauce…this comes– well, a-hem… with a (new, wrapped unused) condom on the bottle. Great PSA for the young guy on the team.
How about the little prick on the team who can’t seem to keep his mouth shut? The guy who’s always talkin’ shit…well, how about a bit of (for gags only, you know…) www.shitsenders.com Nothing says “Yes, you are King Shit” like a gallon zip-lock of Gorilla crap. Tell that certain someone on your team that you appreciate his diarrhea of the mouth with this beauty of a gift. Everything is anonymous, you can’t add a personalized message. But with an envelope of Elephant shit, do you really need to add a note?
What better way to say “Welcome to the NHL” to that special rookie by gifting him with something from www.trymynuts.com ? If you give him a gift certificate, he can have the pleasure of hitting that “Shop My Nuts” button. And you can sit back and try really hard not to laugh. And remember, you can’t be in the NHL without nuts. What a great gift! Unsalted available if you like that sort of thing.
Got a big, ol’ smelly sinner on your team? (Or maybe the dude who never washes his hands?) Help him wash away his sins! Again, get him a gift certificate so he’ll have to stare at the “Welcome Sinner” bar on the site. www.Blueq.com has clever hand sanitizers in cool bottles. One has the slogan, “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals” and the PSA, “If you are not sanitizing, you’re getting infected.” And passing flu around to everyone on the team..so get a clue, genius.
For that hard-to-buy for Captain on your list, how about something from www.pieofthemonth.org store? A button that says, “I Love Pie” can never be a bad choice. Postcards of classic pies are always big hits.
Of course, these are not exclusive to NHL players. Don’t forget that special Ref who has made your season so interesting thus far.
Happy Hockey Days to all of you. And to all of the Columbus Blue Jacket Fans and Players, have a very Union-Blue Christmas.